[Interviewer] We’re sitting here today with Homestuck’s Jane Crocker
[Interviewer] So Jane, tell us what a day in the life of Jane Crocker is like?
[Jane] Do you really want to know?
[Interviewer] Please tell us
I don’t sleep motherfucker I’m a baking heiress
Only died once took a few times bitches
(Roxy: Hot damn Janey, you a crazy chick)
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I’m busting up imps like gushers motherfucker
The way I flip my shit got your heart a-fucking-flutter
(Roxy: What you want Jane Crocker?) To drink and fight!
(Roxy: What you need Jane Crocker?) To fuck all night!
Don’t test me when I’m crazy off talking to Jake
Put my fork in your throat til you’re hailin the maid
You’re not dreamin, My prankster’s gambit reelin
Fuck your man it’s my name that he’s screaming!
[Interviewer] I’m sorry Jane, are we to believe that you condone screaming at the people you’re leading?
[Jane] I never said that I was the leader
[Interviewer] But, what about your friends that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
All the people who I quote- “lead” can suck my dick
It’s Crocker motherfucker, bake ‘til I’m sick
Hail to me, and get on your fuckin knees
Watch you haters cry; while I laugh, you die
And to Jake English, you know I’m talking to you
(Jake: Shucks Buster Jane!) Yeah well fuck you too!
(Roxy: C!) It’s for Crocker! (Roxy: Jane!) It’s my party!
I’ll flip the fucking table right over, so don’t push me
[Interviewer] Well Jane, I’m surprised, all this coming from the Crocker Heiress?
[Jane] Well, there’s a lot you may not know about me
[Interviewer] Really, such as?
When I was in LOCAH I solved shit everyday
I got through every test and I never went astray
I gotta def posse, despite these crazy dudes
I throw a cake at your face for my gambit
Janey, you are a bad ass bitch (Jane: hell yeah!)
And these fuckers better listen up when they’re talking to you
(Jane: What!) As for the romance
Well I can’t vouch for that, Jake English is scared of you
[Interviewer] Okay then, well, one final question for you then Janey. Are you really in love with Dirk Strider- [table smash]
[Jane] No more questions. What!